The Tao of Forgiveness Part 2

The Path of the Brave Heart

In Forgiveness Part I, we discussed the basic precepts of forgiveness. In this article, we will delve further into the path of forgiveness and perhaps endeavor to embark upon a healing journey of our own in the end.

Forgiveness is a lifelong healing practice. Many of us have trouble understanding the correlation between forgiveness, healing, and our evolution. We ask ourselves what it means to forgive, why do I have too, and what does it entail. Once we understand the nature of forgiveness and its purpose, we realize that the practice of it can help us to process through the layers of anger, grief, and hurt that have built up over the years. Forgiveness is conscious work on our evolution.

I offer a bit of what I’ve found in my early self-observations and from life. Each of us must admit that sometimes our response to others is out of proportion to what transpired. The places that are still wounded within us or our sensitivities to certain words or actions can cause us to over-react. In our pain, we blame the other person for our discomfort to hurt them for hurting us. In reality, when we stop long enough to check in with ourselves, we may find that the exchange triggered a wound that already existed within us. Blame hurts both parties. It blinds us to the truth and the ability to heal what has been revealed about ourselves.

The problem with fault-finding
is that he who finds fault with others
is in no way a happy person
even after he has successfully
accomplished his task. ~Sri Chinmoy

Because we do not understand the nature of forgiveness, many of us resist it. We associate forgiving with forgetting. Forgiveness is the act of not living in our pain and of freeing ourselves to grow. To forgive the Soul of the person who hurt you frees “you and the other” to your respective lives and lessons. It means that you are choosing not to suffer and not to perpetuate suffering. Un-forgiveness is the thief of our Joy. It can overcome our identity and blind us to our Purpose. Forgiveness is not easy – it takes time and sometimes multiple attempts. We must learn to love ourselves enough to free ourselves. If we do not, we rob ourselves and those that love us of happiness. We cannot be in anger and loving at the same time. They are opposing energies. Both speak a silent language that is strongly communicated via the body and energy field. Words are not needed. Every living thing can detect those emotions including babies, children, animals, and even plants.

Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. ~Malachy McCourt

Blame, anger, and fear also keep us spiritually corded to others in unhealthy ways. Physically, our bodies respond to this type of stimuli as a threat and enter into a state of physiological alert. This state of constriction has been proven to have detrimental effects on our mind, spirit, immune system, and other body systems over time. Holding on to un-forgiveness impairs our health and quality of living. Medical studies have found that forgiveness has been a successful healing strategy to augment traditional medicine in helping people to manage degenerative illnesses, cancer, and immune-related disorders. Many that participated in this non-traditional therapy were able to live more satisfying lives. Some were reported to have even lived longer than their prognosis before entering the therapy.

Basics of forgiveness:

Know your triggers. When engaged in a difficult dialogue – stop and breathe through any constriction. Now, ask yourself – is this 100% the other person’s issue (to be honest, rarely is this the case) or is it that a wound is being triggered. If you can witness yourself without attachment/judgment – you empower yourself. Sit with this thought for a moment. It means that you are slowing down your emotional reflexes to empower yourself to make a “consciously different choice”. Awareness is a powerful tool for change and healing. It can save relationships and save us from much regret if we work with it.

To move beyond the past:

• Forgiveness begins with the self. Forgive yourself for the experience.
• Ask yourself what you learned from this experience. Hint: If there is blame in your response, you did not get the lesson. Try to see the situation clearly. Write out your pain. This will help clarify things. Burn the paper afterward. There is no need to hold that energy.
• Forgive the other Soul. We must see the person as a Soul, not as an action. They are a Soul on the Journey of Life – just as you/we are. Accept the lesson in the experience and the gift of self-knowledge. This is how we transmute the poison of our pain.
• Transmutation process: Surround yourself in Love with healing angels all around you. You are safe. Now, visualize all that is unhealthy between you and this person/event being cleared from both of your beings. Release and bless the entire experience. Know that all that is not in Harmony is now being replaced by Love & Light. Breathe deeply for a few moments. Sit in this safe place. Notice your body. Do you feel lighter or more at ease?  Do this process to facilitate the healing of any past hurts. Write down the gift that you received from the experience. (e.g. self-love, worth, courage, etc….) You have transmuted poison into nourishment.
• Now, allow yourself to move on to face the future with Heart.

A forgiveness mantra for self-maintenance:

Say the mantra aloud with pure intention. It will clear the energy field and lift the heart.

“If there is anyone or anything that has hurt me in the past, knowingly or unknowingly, I forgive and release it. If I have hurt anyone or anything in the past, knowingly or unknowingly, I forgive and release it. If I have hurt myself in the past, knowingly or unknowingly, I forgive and release it.” ~ Unknown

Every time that we honestly forgive another – we reclaim our Personal Power. As we allow ourselves the process of self-awareness and forgiveness, our perceptions become clearer and our hearts become softer. We become more compassionate and open to accepting and sharing love. Forgiveness is for the brave. It takes courage to confront our pain, to accept that the event occurred, and to move on despite it. Those that choose to forgive reject the possibility that their lives are governed by an event or the actions of another. And, they inspire us to do the same!

May you Know Love & See the Beauty of your Journey!

Diana